august inputs + things i bought
we’re buying things again
Even late into my thirty-third year, I continue to be struck by how eras change slowly, even imperceptibly, and then all at once. I remember during the summer of 2020 when I realized that we were entering a distinctly different period from the early spring when the world had shut down. It’s strange to look up and realize you can remember a moment in time that just happened. How can the present be in the past already?
I feel that happening right now. The weather is changing and fall is coming. I sit on my porch in the mornings in my sweatshirt and drink my coffee while I watch kids walk to the middle school on our street. I am meeting lovely people for the first time and I am already imagining myself looking back on this moment ten, fifteen years into the future and saying “wow, we were so young.” It’s bittersweet, and sometimes it terrifies me to time travel like this in my brain. It’s the reason I started keeping a journal nearly twenty years ago, and of course, part of why I force myself to sit down and write these newsletters each month.
Things I Made
I published two episodes of Try Hard:
Erika Casupanan Sings in Public
Why does having the ability to sing feel so fraught? Maybe because we use our voices every day, but only some people manage to make magic with their voices so it seems way more mystical than it actually is. I feel very passionately that everyone can sing if they just learn how to do it, and I was blown away by how good Erika sounded at the end of this episode!
This was actually one of the first episodes I recorded, and producing it helped me figure out the voice and tone of the show. I’m super grateful to everyone who has deigned to come on the first season of this show before it even launched, but I was especially grateful to Yowei for being down to clown AKA talk about being a clown in front of a crowd of very cool people, and also record an interview with me for a podcast that didn’t even exist.
I also wrote this essay about the persistent grief I’m feeling about the professional podcasting world. There’s still a shit ton of money in this industry, but it’s not going to the people who are trying to build the next big thing. The lack of creativity and vision among the people with the purse strings remains the most depressing part of working in media for me.
I cast on the Inge Sweater by Le Knit using yarn I bought at Snake + Skein, a lovely queer-owned yarn shop in Elizabethtown, PA. It’s been a minute since I’ve done colorwork and the pattern is so addicting right now. As always, my greatest struggle in knitting is to take my time, work deliberately, and not let my excitement for the finished product overtake my attention to detail.
Things I’m Digesting
I have been in a horrific reading slump this month, so even though I’ve read several books, the only one I’ve actually finished is Attachments by Lucas Mann. As a baby-curious person, it’s refreshing to read writing about parenting that still seems connected to what a mindfuck it is to create another human, both physically and psychologically. I love Lucas’s writing because it is honest, and in Attachments, he’s honest about the way parenting tangles up with narcissism and performance of the self. Also, I was struggling to write for a little bit, and Attachments helped shake something loose in me and just get words out.
Financial Audit with Caleb Hammer
I almost didn’t include this, but I knew it wouldn’t be honest so I had to. I got sucked into the Caleb Hammer world because I was seeing TikToks of him yelling at people for buying Labubus and next thing I knew I had a near constant drone of his screaming going pretty much at all times. I am not proud of this, and I think he’s toxic and doing something possibly net negative for society, and yet I can’t stop. Maybe one day I’ll write an essay about it, but right now I’m still in the throes. Don’t be like me.
The Gilded Age season 3
My takes: I am extremely unhappy about the discord in the Russell household and I would like to go on the record to say I do not like this medication George is taking!!! Larry is a baby but Marian deserves him, I cried when Peggy got engaged, and holy shit why is this the first time I’ve ever seen gilded age-era rich black people in Newport on TV?? Extremely amped for Oscar’s mastermind moment with the former Mrs. Winterton, they are my new power couple.
Ego Death at a Bachelorette Party - Hayley Williams
I am not historically Paramore hive but I enjoy watching Hayley Williams whenever she c-walks across my FYP. But I was very excited when I heard belatedly about the rollout of her latest album, which she self released under her own imprint called Post Atlantic. She debuted the first songs on the Nashville public radio station, WNXP, and had her fans collaborate with her on naming and sequencing it, as well as merch. I enjoyed the album itself – it felt like an elder millennial making music, with some hints of early 2000s pop rock that made it feel familiar.
Wolf Hall - book and TV show
This barely counts but I’m including it because I’m the most enthusiastic about it. In an attempt to get out of my reading slump, I finally picked up Wolf Hall, which has been fun but a bit confusing because there are so many characters. So we decided to watch the TV show concurrently, which is helping me a ton. It’s so beautiful, so dramatic, occasionally sassy. I love Henry’s little dresses! I know that’s not what they’re called but – his little dresses!!! Also, I realized a few episodes in that Mark Rylance as Thomas Cromwell looks exactly like this wacky psychiatrist I’ve had for the last year.
Things I Bought
After two months of not buying anything—and not even feeling tempted to buy anything—the spell has been broken. I bought things!
Deiji Studios room shirt in dusty stripe - I love button ups. They are my favorite item of clothing and I believe you can’t have too many of them but that is probably wrong. I have been interested in Deiji Studios for a while and I was particularly intrigued by the shape of this button up, which has drawstrings on the sides that you can pull to cinch the waist. It’s fun and architectural, just a little more than basic, which I like.
Deiji Studios simple top in butter white - I also bought this tank top, which I loved for similar reasons. Between the two Deiji pieces, I like the tank top much more because both shapes it makes are beautiful and interesting. If I had been shopping in person, I probably would have just bought the tank, but unfortunately it’s too easy to shop online.
Franklin & Marshall sweatshirt - Unfortunately, the F&M doesn’t have a sweatshirt that says “F&M HOT WIFE” or else I’d be all over it. But as the morning and evenings start to get a little chilly, I wanted a sweatshirt to show my school pride, and I’ll have it until it falls apart.
Vivaia square-toe lace-up mary janes - I say with a bit of shame that these were absolute impulse purchases triggered by a particularly well-targeted Instagram ad. I loved the black laces specifically, the way they give gorpy ballerina. I have worn them exactly twice: the first time was to the coffee shop in my neighborhood. No drama. The second time was on Friday when I walked downtown for First Friday. Within half a mile I knew I’d made a mistake. The laces kept coming untied (my jeans were too long and kept hitting the knot) and the flats wore gnarly blisters onto both of my feet. Also, somewhat related: I received a hallus limitus diagnosis on my left foot (translation: big toe hurt bad, shout out to arthritis) and these are unfortunately NOT the shoes to be wearing for long periods of time for this condition. I am looking into insoles I can fit into these and other slender shoes, but damn. Really played by my own monkey mind on this one.
Speaking of big toe hurt: I also bought a pair of Oofoos stacked clogs to wear as house slippers. For nearly two years, I’ve worn my leather sole Glerups all day every day, and I am extremely passionate about them, but my poor toe needs more support! Begrudgingly, I have switched to these Oofoos and ooooooffooo my feet do feel a lot better, I’ve got to admit.
This brings my grand total of purchases for the year of 2025 to 12 items of clothing, which was the limit I had set for myself for the year. I am not certain that I will make it to the end of this year without buying any other clothing, but being at my limit will make me pause to consider: is this worth being the thing I break my promise to myself over?